The Ugly Truth About Burnout in the Beauty Industry with Tina Shrader

A crowded marketplace, tough economic times, and client expectations being higher than ever means that pressure on hair and beauty professionals is building. That means a core skill for us salon professionals is building strong client relationships, but sustainably and without burning out. Here to help us navigate today is Tina Schrader, a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist, a speaker, and the creator of the Hairapist Workshop, a transformative approach to client care and self-sustainability for beauty professionals. Let's get her on the show, shall we? Tina, welcome to the Build Your Salon podcast. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. I am too. I can't stop smiling now, though. That was take two, listeners. That was take two, but it's going really well. And I'm super excited to finally get you on the show. We've been looking forward to this for such a long time. All the way through the summer, we've been trying to get this organized. So, for people that haven't come across you before, why don't you tell us who you are and where you're from? Wonderful. Thank you again for having me. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, which means that I see a lot of couples and families in clinical work and help people with their mental health and relationship issues. And I have a private practice that has a group team of 10, 15 therapists that work with me. And I've shifted a little bit. A lot of the tools that I teach couples in therapy, I realized were transforming their lives and their relationships. And then they were using those skills to improve their relationships at work and with their extended family members and with other people in their lives. And they were able to apply these skills to really improve their relationships outside of their marriage or their family. And so I just, I realized that the benefits and the tools that people learn in therapy are so transformative. And it's a passion of mine to bring those to other places where those therapy skills may not currently be like, especially in the hospitality industry and with hairstylists. Okay. So you've put together a program for which I want to talk about in a bit more depth, but I was interested, first of all, in your journey. And I'm always very interested when people take their business to the next stage, because I think in a lot of people's minds,

it's kind of the logical next step is to build a team and grow a business, but it isn't actually. It's a different skill set. And I'm sure there are lots of ways to make a living without going down that journey. So why did you decide that it was time to move beyond just yourself and grow a team and build the business in that direction? Yeah, I definitely moved with the momentum, like the majority of others, especially during COVID. There was such a need for mental health services in my area, and I just really rode that wave. I'm glad that I did. I never thought I would own my own business. I never thought I would manage a large team or have a large group practice. I just wanted to be a therapist. And that's such a small part of what I do now. But I love being a business owner. I love managing people. I love creating, you know, content for other like workplaces outside of the therapy world. And if I was doing one to one therapy still, I wouldn't have the time, freedom to allow myself to do that. So I'm really glad that I rode that wave and that I'm here now. Hmm. And then just because obviously, well, not obviously, but a lot of us won't have an insight into the therapy business side of things. Do you, are the people that you're working with employed by you? Are they self-employed? Is it more a collective of individuals or is there very much a team dynamic that you're running? How does that work? Yeah. So I'm in the United States. I'm in Illinois and we, we have W2 employees. So they are employees. But it is a similar model to what I see in the hairstylist and salon world where everyone's kind of running their own little franchise within the business. Right. So like each of my therapists has their own clients. They do things very different than the therapist in the room next to them in terms of how they talk to their clients, the word of mouth, the networking that they do or don't do. And it is a group where they're all employed, but they each kind of do things a little bit different with their own clients, which is nice to see. Okay. That kind of feels very salon-ish. Yes. In that kind of individual, but collective, in that collective way. So tell me a little bit about the program that you put together. But first of all, I want to kind of ask why salons? Why would you go down that direction as opposed to, because there's plenty of other industries out there that I'm sure could benefit. Yeah. Well, I grew up working in the hospitality industry. So that's really where my heart is. And I believe that therapy is part of that in a way, like we are providing a service to people and working very closely with customers.

And nowadays, a lot of jobs are with computers. And I think hairstylists, the hospitality industry, even medical and therapy, they are still the ones that have those deep connections with people. And so that's where my heart is. And that's where I felt called to. And really, I just believe that hairstylists and therapists have so much overlap in terms of how we are maintaining our client relationships and maintaining our own self-care. It's very demanding work in different ways. I think for hairstylists, it's much more physical work, standing all day. For therapists, we typically get to sit during our work, but it is demanding in the emotional toll that it takes. And I know that hairstylists don't always get the support and the tools on how to manage those relationships with their clients and with people and navigate those issues and really keep them from carrying a lot of that weight home, that difficult story that they heard or what might be going on with their longtime client. A lot of that can weigh heavily on people and it can really impact their job satisfaction and their career sustainability if they don't have the tools to really manage that within themselves. And do you think, I mean, you alluded to COVID being quite a turning point in your business and certainly when things started to accelerate on the therapy side. And certainly, I think we're seeing the repercussions of that in our businesses even now and probably for a lot of years as well. But do you think that expectation from clients of their salon professionals, do you think that changed over COVID or is that expectation of that slightly deeper connection and that more intimate relationship always been there? Yeah, I think what we're seeing is the expectations that people have of other people are heightened in general. I think we're seeing a lot more unhappy clients who are outwardly unhappy, right? Like this idea that people can feel the freedom to just be super unhappy with people. And that's really unsettling for people who maybe aren't used to that level of conflict.

But I think people have always been in need for a relationship and they continue to be in need for a relationship probably more now that that's a harder thing just to come by in our society, in our culture. I think people are just going about it a different way and it often looks like a less desirable way. It kind of turns people off. So that can be difficult to manage. Yeah, I see that. And I think actually in salons, we're in a slightly unique position in that we are physically close to people, which brings with it a level of emotional intimacy. And it was kind of brought home with me. I was on a business trip. I was over in Ireland and I went for a massage. I managed to find some time and go for a kind of spa day and went for a massage. And it was only because I'd been away for a few days and it was a business setting, which was a little bit more formal. I realised that nobody had actually touched me for about three days. And it was kind of emotional in that way, just to kind of have that physical closeness. And I think there's a lot of that in salons and that we're in physical space and we're touching people in a way that apart from your nearest and dearest, you wouldn't expect someone to be touching you. And it does kind of bridge a gap in that way. So what kind of pressures then are we seeing put on people? You've alluded that people generally aren't particularly happy or some of our customers may not be particularly happy and they're sharing that in a more open way. What kind of pressures does that put on salon staff, do you think? I think there's a constant pressure now in the, well, that's always been in the hospitality world, but is exacerbated now to have customers be happy. Right. And I feel like the need to bend over backwards, agree with clients, make sure they're not leaving a bad review or that those kinds of things. I think that pressure feels higher than ever. Um, and I think the, the need for managing conflict, I think people are having a lot of more of a difficult time sitting with conflict in relationship. And so people are quicker to appease someone to kind of shut them up or make them stop or whatever it might be. And I think we're seeing that play out. A lot of people don't know how to sit and deal with conflict or deal, sit with someone who is unhappy, even if they know, like, it's not me. Like, it's not really me they're upset with. It's still very, um, dysregulating and difficult for people to be so close, like you said, to someone who might be unhappy or unsatisfied or just, you know, in a bad mood.

Hmm. I think, um, the other thing that I see a lot of salon professionals and business owners to struggle with is around boundaries. Um, and I think part of that picture is the physical closeness that we have. Part of that picture, I think, is, um, a social media thing in that the lines between business and personal life have been much more blurred, particularly as a lot of salons use social media to market their businesses too. Um, I wonder whether you could, you could speak to a little bit about, about owners that are struggling with boundaries, either with their, with their customers and also, also with team members too. Yeah, it's, it's a, a fine line. It can feel like a fine line boundaries. Um, especially personally, I think people struggle putting boundaries into place in their personal relationships. I think that that's, um, in, in a post COVID world, one of the things that's gotten picked up a lot from the mental health field on social media. media, this idea of boundaries, um, in relationships. And I like to think of boundaries as like the way that I, if I'm putting a boundary in our relationship, it's the way that I'm then able to stay in relationship with you. Um, so it, it, a lot of people think like, it's a wall, it's separating us. It's keeping me safe from you. When really this is the key to being able to stay in relationship with you. This is what I need to feel safe to maintain this closeness in our relationship. So I think looking at it from that view can be helpful. And what I tell salon owners a lot too, is like, these pieces are great to equip your, your stylists with, but it. It doesn't really work unless we're building it into our team culture. So how are we talking about boundaries on a regular basis? How are we showing that to our team? Um, and that's really when it will start to kind of take a life of its own in a good way is when we start to embed it in the team culture. Hmm. I think what I'm hearing you saying then is that perhaps boundaries isn't the best word, if we kind of see it more as a kind of definition. Um, so it's, it's how we define a relationship with somebody and we define what a healthy version of that looks like. I think it's kind of gets us away from that wall. Exactly. That kind of mental picture of that. Interesting. And then, um, why don't you, I think that seems like a good point to bring in your program then. So talk us through how you, how you help salons. Yeah. So one of the main pieces that I realized in working, um, you know, being in the hospitality industry and then moving more towards the mental health field is there's a lot of tools that help, um, be able to stay in relationship with someone.

And support someone in their, their feelings and their emotion, um, and being, you know, physically close to people for a certain amount of time when they may be, um, going through some feelings. And a lot of that comes back to self-regulation. So this idea of being able to regulate and be aware of our own emotions is key in being able to be there for other people when they're in their feelings and also to help co-regulate. Right. So like, if I'm feeling dysregulated because maybe I had coffee on an empty stomach or I didn't sleep well, or, you know, my coworker didn't clean up well last night. And so now I have to start my shift and it's not going well, then I'm dysregulated from an emotional standpoint. And when that customer comes in and they may be a little bit off or they may be very off, emotionally dysregulated in themselves, it's very hard for me to try to get back to a state of feeling regulated. Um, and so the program really helps people in the salon industry recognize how important that self-regulation is in managing their own feelings, um, and being able to manage the sometimes difficult stories that clients will bring to them, but also stay in relationship with their client when they're very physically close to them. Um, and being able to maintain their own cool and composure, um, and that that's really the key to working closely with people. For me, a lot of it is, goes back to like creating a sustainable career, right? I think we see a lot of people in the hospitality field, in salons, in mental health burnout because they aren't listening to their bodies. They're not tuning into themselves. They're kind of blocking that out. And the consequence of that ends up leading to burnout. And so I'm really hoping that it will teach, um, different parts of the, the hospitality field of people that work closely with other people, ways to manage that so they can sustain their careers better and maintain, you know, healthy relationships with their clients. And then just to put you on the spot a little bit, if you were going to, um, talk about the early signs of burnout, how do people know when they're kind of heading down that slightly less healthy path? I think it looks different for everyone. I tend to refer to the stage pre-burnout or like my first sign as like, I'm getting a little crispy, which means I'm not sleeping very well, or I'm staying up late watching like bad TV.

And then I'm waking up late or like, I'm not, um, you know, getting to do those hobbies or self care things for myself that I know are really important. And it shows up in relationships as my initial instinct is like, ugh, why, right? Like exacerbation, lack of patience, right? And that for me is a sign that, ooh, I'm getting a little crispy. Um, whether that's with my kids or my team or, you know, just the person in front of me in line, like those are signs for me that I'm not in the state of taking care of myself and my emotions that I could be. And likely it's going to get worse if I don't do something about it. So, um, I think burnout for a lot of people can look like medical issues that show up. Um, they go to the doctor and the doctor's like, nothing's wrong with you. And it can be that psychosomatic where your body's really asking you, demanding of you at this point to pay attention to the signals and the signs that it's trying to give you. And, um, and what does caring for yourself look like? That's a really big question. I apologize for that. But, uh, you've said yourself, those who care for people deserve to be cared for too. What does that look like in practice for people in our industry? I think a lot of people think, you know, self-care, um, which is like, I think people roll their eyes at that word at this point. It's just very overused. Um, that is the question. Like, what does it look like? Because I talked to a lot of people that are like, I get my nails done. I go to the gym. I do all the things and it's not working. And I think there's this common misconception that self-care has to be expensive. It has to be regular. And it has to be, it has to fit into this like spa-like picture, right? And they're missing the most important part of self-care, which is the first step to figuring out what your self-care is, is to look inward and to pause and ask yourself, how am I feeling? What do I need? From there is the only way you're really able to unlock. I use this example that some days if my house is a mess, which it usually is because I have kids, um, and a dog and a husband, I'm like, oh, this house is a mess.

And it's making me upset, right? So I can tune in. And I could go one of two ways, right? I could, you know, text the woman that cleans my house who's wonderful and I wish she could come every day and be like, I need you to come ASAP, right? And that route would be having someone do it for me, but just having it be done. Some days, if I look inward, I really need to, like, the reason my house is a mess is because everything is feeling out of control. I don't have enough time. I really need to feel like I take control of something. And on that day, I probably need to cancel a meeting that I've overstuffed my work schedule with and just clean my house myself. And that's going to be what feels satisfying, right? The end result is the same. The house is going to get cleaned, but it is a very different feeling on day one of, like, I just need someone to do it for me and for it to be done. Or I need to, like, feel like I need to take control of this myself. And so I think that's the piece of, like, self-care. It's like, yeah, it's always nice to have your nails done, right? But it's like, is it really fitting the need? Is it, like, meeting that puzzle piece of, like, the need and fitting that? And I think that's the piece that people miss a lot. And they're like, why isn't self-care working? I love that. I think it's, to kind of rephrase, if I may, it's almost like the definition between, I think self-care is kind of what we need, not necessarily what we want. You know, if I'm feeling burnt out, stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, whatever, all the things, what I want is a big bag of minstrels and, you know, veg out on the sofa and, you know, don't see anyone for three days. But that's not what I need. What I actually need is to get to grips, make a plan, reach out, get some help, all those good things. So I think sometimes it's the definition, it's the difference, rather, between what's needed and what we actually want. And it's looking at. Absolutely. Yeah. And going forward to that, like, reflecting back to what are the things that I'm choosing in my life on a day-to-day that continues to get me to that point, right? Like, if I continue to overpack my schedule in the way that I often do, I'm going to get to that point.

And, like, I think our bodies inherently know, like, stop just slapping a manicure on it. Like, it's not going to fix the fact that you are, you know, burning yourself on all the ends of the stick that you can in all these other ways, right? So addressing those problems and not just saying, like, yeah, I can stay up late and work 12 hours a day and then just get a manicure and it'll all be better. Like, no, that's not how it works. No, no. And I think while you were talking about things getting a little bit crispy, my kind of pre-burnout is when I'm making the poor choices. That's kind of my flag. It's like, OK, we're doing some stuff here that we know is counterproductive. We know you're going to regret tomorrow. We know you're going to hate yourself when you start getting zits, all those good things. And that's kind of, OK, something's out of alignment here. And that's not going to take me in a good path. So I'm kind of interested because you've talked about your career in hospitality and now, obviously, you're in service to others as well. So what kind of things do you do to look after your mental health and to refine those communication tools that obviously would serve the rest of us? How do you personally keep yourself on the right track? Yeah, I have been joking recently that I feel like I'm a very delicate ecosystem. Like, I feel like I need so many things to be going well. I don't know if it's like getting older to feel like I'm really OK, like on the right track. Like I need to sleep and eat and have this much water like or else. So I think physically, like maintaining those things for myself is when I'm at my best. And I mean, at my best, like emotionally, my body is taken care of. And so I feel like my thoughts can be clear. All of those things work very closely together. Our thoughts, our feelings, our emotions. Right. In relationship, I think it is continuing to do a lot of my own work. So learning about relationships, reading, obviously, as a therapist, like a big self-help or like self-development junkie. I love learning and listening to podcasts and thinking about things from different perspectives and then just staying really in touch in my relationships. So I notice one of the signs I think I mentioned when I'm getting crispy is I try to just like tune out.

I won't go sit in the office with my staff and just kind of shoot the shit and chat. And that's really one of the things that when I'm doing that, I'm like, OK, things are going good. I can get away from my computer. I can really dive deeper into those relationships. That is really helpful for me and staying away from burnout, staying connected. And then bringing it back to I want to dive a little bit deeper on to the on the therapist program. So when you talked about in kind of loose terms, what that looks like in terms of what we're trying to achieve. Is that an event that you host or is that a training? How is that delivered and who's it for? Yeah, so it's mostly a training. It can be in person or virtual and it is a main like spoken training, like a workshop that's about an hour or so long. And then after that, there's a lot of packages that can build on top of that for salons and what they might need more specific to their group and their team. So that can be coaching to the owners or the managers. It can be, you know, addressing any like specific things that have come up. It can be kind of doing a team culture audit and saying like this is really the direction that we want to go and helping the whole like we talked about, like the culture kind of including that more into the day to day and what that can look like. And it's really, excuse me, like also great for the team to go on their own self journey. So like journaling and workbooks that we provide on how they're managing their own self care. A lot of the times people want to do that work independently rather than with their co-workers. So it's kind of that both process, right? We support the team, but we support the, you know, the members of the team individually as well and the leadership. And then just a little bit of clarity. So it's called Hairapist and obviously it was built with hairdressers in mind. Will it still apply to people that have got, for example, aesthetic clinics or beauty therapy service? Yeah, so it is, you know, Hairapist is the one specifically for our hairstylists. And there is renditions of that, that, you know, the name doesn't fit as well. But we have a different name for it, for the others. And, you know, the slideshow has less cute pictures of hairstylists, but we edit it and it is just as good.

It's the same main idea, which is that self-regulation and the, you know, the boundaries and the self care is hugely important, not only in our individual, but also in our work relationships and the sustainability of our career. Fascinating. Absolutely love it. And if people were interested in bringing the program to their salon or to their team and that, or they want to connect with you about your, your, your therapy or workshops, what's the best way for them to keep in touch with you? So the best place to find out more information about the workshop, the Hairapist workshop and other workshops and services that I offer is by going to tinapower.com. Love it. And I love that you've got the .com for that as well. Well done. Okay. I always finish these interviews with three simple questions. And the first is what's the best piece of advice that you've ever been given? I think it for me personally, the best piece of advice that I hated in the moment, but I always find myself coming back to like 10 years later is to do less. I always find myself really trying to do more. I'm in a season right now of trying to do a lot too much. And I know I'm doing too much. And sometimes that reminder of just do less, like rest, arrested minds, creative minds. Like those things are really powerful advice for me personally. I love that. I love that. The power of less. And it's so, I don't know, perhaps it's, perhaps it's me getting older, but I've started to realize that so often the simple solution is the most elegant and effective as well. It really is. And the more complicated, it's the hardest, but the more, I think it's because it's putting, it's putting it all on the line. You know, if you're kind of, if you've got one path instead of 20, you've got to make sure that path is, you know, that you're in integrity and you're in alignment and that it's the right direction for you. And that feels risky somehow, but my goodness, it's more effective for me. Anyway, it's not about me. If you were, if you were inspiring someone and they wanted to follow in your footsteps, what's the best piece of advice that you would leave behind for them? I think one of the things that I'm reminded of as a business owner is you could have all of the strategy, you could have all of the, you know, up to date coached, you know, high ticket coached information.

I think when it comes down to it, my job as a business owner and I know salon owner will resonate is just making sure that you're able to like make, continue your business in existence. And I think nowadays, especially things are very unknown and it's a really difficult time. And so I think just making sure simple things like having that cash on hand, making sure you're taking care of yourself, making sure you're fighting for that simplicity because our job is really to make sure our business can sustain. And so at the end of the day, those are the things that really matter. And you've got experience in lots and lots of areas. What's the best thing about working with the salon industry? I mean, I am due for my hair appointment tomorrow. I'm booked. I'm like ready, but I love sitting and like just chatting with someone for three hours. Like name a time that you get to do that in nowadays anymore. I think just being in the hustle and bustle of a salon is the greatest feeling and like being taken care of and just catching up. You know, it's so fun. And I'm really looking forward to my appointment and just like being back in the salon. And it's just such a fun environment. So I think that's it's, you know, you don't find that anywhere else. You're so right. It's a very, very unique space. Thank you so much for your time today, Tina. It's been an absolute pleasure. And I'm so pleased we could finally get this in both of our calendars. And I'm sure we'd love to have you back on the Build Your Salon podcast again soon. So there we have it. My interview with Tina Schrader. What are your thoughts? What have we missed? What are you doing to take care of yourself in your salon business? Reach out and let me know. My email address scrolling at the bottom of the screen, phil at buildyoursalon.com. I'd also love to hear from you if you would like to be a guest on a future episode of the Build Your Salon podcast. Just seven short days until I'm coming over the airways again with another dose of my wise owl wisdom. And until then, take care. Thank you.