21. How To Move From GUILT To GRATITUDE - Podcast

Hi everyone, this is the weekly Build Your Salon podcast with me, Phil Jackson. I'm here with the tools you need to generate the profits you deserve so that you can lead a fuller life. Welcome, and today I want to look at some of the stuff that's holding you back. I want to look at those guilty feelings, that misspent energy that's affecting your current and your future success. And together, we're going to come up with a couple of strategies for dealing with it so that we can move forward to a place of gratitude. Now, guilt comes in three forms. We have guilt for the things that we've done in the past, we have guilt for our current position, and we have guilt for our potential future circumstances as well. When we're looking at guilt in the past, do you know what? We've all made mistakes. I've done some horrible, horrible things in my professional life. I've fired people that didn't deserve to be fired. I've run my business in a very biased way. I've really demotivated my team with some of the horrendous decisions that I've made, and I bet you've made some mistakes as well. And that's only looking at my professional life. My personal life has been car crash after car crash through the years, so we won't even go there. But do you know what? And I bet this is the same for you as well. I'm a good person. I'm a nice guy. Generally, I try and get stuff right more than I get it wrong. I'm not out there to hurt anybody. And the things that I've done in the past, well, they were the best I could do at the time, given the information that I had, and the state of mind that I was in, the tools that I had available. So how do we move on from that guilt in the past? What you're doing, by replaying those situations in your mind, you're reinforcing those negative feelings about yourself, and you're seriously hindering your future success. If you're lucky, the person that you've wronged will still be in your life, and you've got an opportunity then to explain to them why it is that you came to the decision that you did, to apologise, and to explain that you're still feeling guilty, but that it's time for you to move on. You know what, though? You're a better person than me, because the people that I've wronged, I've obviously done so much bad that they're not in my life anymore at all. I think I've got things so royally wrong that they've disappeared. They're gone.

There are lots of people that will tell you you should go back through your contact list, get back in touch with these people, beg their forgiveness, so that you can get closure and move on. But I can't do it. I won't do it. I don't want to put myself in that position. So how do we deal with it? Well, what I do is I find someone that I trust, someone that loves me unconditionally, and talk it through. It might well be that you need a catalyst for that conversation, and a really good catalyst for me usually comes in the form of a bottle of red wine. We sit, we chew the situation over, I explain why I came to the decisions that I did, and that person, if they love you, they will understand, they will forgive you, and then it's time for you to forgive yourself. Because I bet that the other person, the person that you wronged, who's no longer in your life, I bet they've moved on. I bet they're not giving it the mental attention that you are. So what about guilt for our current situation? Well, if you are feeling guilty because your life is not being led in a way that aligns with your moral compass, if you're making decisions which leave you feeling morally drained, well, obviously you need to change your behaviour straight away before you can move forward. But much more often, it's a very subtle sort of guilt for a lot of people. What we do is we hide away our success. We shield our friends and family for how well we're doing, because we feel bad. But that's a misspent guilt. The reason you're feeling guilty, what you're doing, is holding a mirror up to other people. You're showing them that there could be a better way for them as well. And you feel guilty about your success because your friends and your family aren't successful. But do you know what? That is not your problem. But that subtle form of guilt, that plays through into guilt for our future situation as well. What we end up doing is limiting our future potential, because it's uncomfortable. I know I've been guilty of this. I wrote a book. Don't worry, this isn't a sales spiel. I'm not going to try and sell you my book today. But I wrote a book, and I worked really hard. I wanted to make a huge fuss about this book when it launched.

It was a real labour of love, and I was incredibly proud of it. And I was fine when I was talking to the trade press and getting my face in the right magazines to make sales for the book. But when it came to actually putting posts on Facebook and Instagram, well, though I was happy to pick up the phone and talk to trade press, putting something on my personal timeline about that book was really, really hard for me. You feel bad for your success, and that's an insane way to be. You're completely limiting your potential if you have feelings of guilt around potential success. It's your duty, it's your obligation to start feeling gratitude for the situation you're in, for the freedom that you have, for the options that you can take. If you have the freedom to make decisions to alter your future, it's your obligation to maximise your potential. If the world has dealt you a hand where you're in a position to change your life with the decisions you make, it's your duty to the rest of the world to make sure you're doing your absolute best to succeed. Some of your so-called friends may not like it. Some of your friends won't like the reflection when you hold that mirror up to them. It's an uncomfortable thing to realise that you could be doing better as well. But your true friends, those that really love you, will be thrilled for you. They will thrive on your success as well. There are lots and lots of videos and podcasts about gratitude, so I'm not going to go on about gratitude in a big way here. But I found a really simple technique which works for me. And all I do is I get to the end of each day and just write in the bottom of my diary three things that I'm grateful for. It might be that I had a fantastic meal with an old friend, or perhaps I read a really good book and learnt something new, or I felt inspired by something that I've seen. Or I just had a really good day at work and the team was really buzzing. Or I got a tip from a client who's always been a bit of a cow. Whatever it is, I find those three things. What you're doing scientifically is reinforcing those neural pathways which help give a positive feeling rather than dwelling in that guilty place. I hope that's been really useful to you. If it has, please subscribe. I don't want you to miss out on the wonderful things I've got to share with you.

And I will see you next Monday. Hey everyone, it's Phil again. I hope you enjoyed the episode. If you did, please subscribe and be sure to tell your friends. For more help and information on running your salon and your life, head over to buildyoursalon.com. I'll see you there. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.